Revenge Is Sweet, Even If Bitter

I have no idea why I was so exceptionally naive as a child. All I know is that my older sister gleefully took full advantage of the fact. She finessed her wildly imagined terrors for me most perfectly when it came to one subject: chocolate.


I guess this came to mind now because, at Easter, I would hand over my candies to my solicitous sister. She would explain that too many chocolates would make me quite sick. I'd be in pain. Out of the kindness of her heart, she would accept my candy to help me avoid disasterous temptation. I was always very grateful to her.


Halloween brought this scheme to a new level. I'd never known, before my sister informed me, that crazy people could fit miniature razor blades inside candy bars. The number of poisons that could be injected into chocolate was frightening. My sister would bravely take half of one of my candy bars from my orange, plastic jack o'lantern bucket and announce, "Okay, this one is safe. You can have the rest of it, but to be careful, I better take the rest of the candy." I was such a lucky child to have such a courageous sister!


Then, one day, somehow the whole scheme became apparent to me. It was like pulling the curtain back on the mighty Wizard of Oz. If all the candy was so dangerous and sickening, why did my sister happily eat it? How much delicious candy had I missed out on? Somehow, I knew I'd have my revenge.


My father has always been an excellent, from-scratch cook. One evening, he was going to prepare a special dessert that called for chocolate. I saw a huge block of dark chocolate on the cutting board and scraped my fingernail across it, putting the small curl of chocolate in my mouth. It was horrible! Horrible! I hadn't known some chocolate used in cooking could be completely unsweetened and wretchedly bitter. As I hurried to spit the offending chocolate into a paper towel, my vengeful plan emerged.


I picked up the entire block of bitter, unsweetened chocolate and simply stood in the middle of the living room, well within eyesight of my sister. Slowly, I raised the massive chocolate towards my mouth and my sister was beside me in a second. Without a word, she yanked the chocolate out of my hand and managed to quickly bite off a huge corner of it. And, she burst into tears. She ran to the bathroom, trying to scream, but unable to because of the melting bitterness filling her mouth. My mother hurried after her, asking what had happened. I'm sure my father wondered what had happened to the chocolate he'd just put out. And I simply stood there. Smiling.