Visible and Vocal

Sometimes, one thing happens after another until it finally catches your attention. On last week's episode of "The Big Bang Theory", the idea of a 30-something male romantically involved with an attractive, older female was the source of ongoing hilarity. It did cross my mind that if it had been a 30-something female romantically involved with an attractive, older male, it wouldn't have been funny at all. It would have been played out as a romance. Later, I was reading a brilliant piece written by Tina Fey in The New Yorker. Among the many things she touched on was her observation that, in the entertainment world, once a female reaches a certain age, she's labeled as "crazy" so that she can be ignored without opposition--albeit with a false accusation. Before bed, I read an article on a news website which stated that women "of a certain age" become invisible to the opposite sex. And just this morning, my son asked, "Mom, are you older than Steven Tyler?" A rapid-fire check on Wikipedia found me saying in a not-very-quiet or motherly voice, "Steven Tyler was born in 1948!" The issue of age was suddenly everywhere.

I don't rant often, but I will now. I refuse to drink the offered kool-aid of self-doubt and surrender. As a woman "of a certain age", I don't believe it's now time to spend the second half of my life with my eyes lowered along with my ambitions. Nor is it time, as is the case with some of my peers, to try to look markedly younger. Hello Kitty t-shirts don't fool anyone.

I love where I am in my life. I finally have some wisdom gained from experience. I have the solid marriage and family I'd always wanted. I can detect liars and posers more easily now then ever before and promptly ignore them. I spend time with people I actually want to spend time with. And I'm fervently working on my writing. My overriding thought tends to be, "If not now, when?" and it's emboldened me to be braver and to take risks I would have shied away from before. This is not the time to make my life smaller.

Of course, there's some inner conflict. I won't pretend being my age doesn't have its sobering moments. I was so happy to reconnect with an old friend on Facebook and later realized that we haven't seen each other for 32 years. And it's not as if we parted as toddlers. I don't like having lines around my eyes, particularly after a good night's sleep. Or that teenagers use their "polite" voices around me. When someone guesses I'm younger than I am, I feel like purring. Yes, I realize I haven't mentioned my exact age at any point here. Nor do I think I will. As I said, I'm not without conflict.

And, by the way, Steven Tyler has well over a decade on me.