Sometimes, one thing happens after another until it finally catches your attention. On last week's episode of "The Big Bang Theory", the idea of a 30-something male romantically involved with an attractive, older female was the source of ongoing hilarity. It did cross my mind that if it had been a 30-something female romantically involved with an attractive, older male, it wouldn't have been funny at all. It would have been played out as a romance. Later, I was reading a brilliant piece written by Tina Fey in The New Yorker. Among the many things she touched on was her observation that, in the entertainment world, once a female reaches a certain age, she's labeled as "crazy" so that she can be ignored without opposition--albeit with a false accusation. Before bed, I read an article on a news website which stated that women "of a certain age" become invisible to the opposite sex. And just this morning, my son asked, "Mom, are you older than Steven Tyler?" A rapid-fire check on Wikipedia found me saying in a not-very-quiet or motherly voice, "Steven Tyler was born in 1948!" The issue of age was suddenly everywhere.
I don't rant often, but I will now. I refuse to drink the offered kool-aid of self-doubt and surrender. As a woman "of a certain age", I don't believe it's now time to spend the second half of my life with my eyes lowered along with my ambitions. Nor is it time, as is the case with some of my peers, to try to look markedly younger. Hello Kitty t-shirts don't fool anyone.
I love where I am in my life. I finally have some wisdom gained from experience. I have the solid marriage and family I'd always wanted. I can detect liars and posers more easily now then ever before and promptly ignore them. I spend time with people I actually want to spend time with. And I'm fervently working on my writing. My overriding thought tends to be, "If not now, when?" and it's emboldened me to be braver and to take risks I would have shied away from before. This is not the time to make my life smaller.
Of course, there's some inner conflict. I won't pretend being my age doesn't have its sobering moments. I was so happy to reconnect with an old friend on Facebook and later realized that we haven't seen each other for 32 years. And it's not as if we parted as toddlers. I don't like having lines around my eyes, particularly after a good night's sleep. Or that teenagers use their "polite" voices around me. When someone guesses I'm younger than I am, I feel like purring. Yes, I realize I haven't mentioned my exact age at any point here. Nor do I think I will. As I said, I'm not without conflict.
And, by the way, Steven Tyler has well over a decade on me.
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Thank you and amen! Karla. It's truly disturbing that we live in a shallow culture that values women only as pretty ornaments or baby-making machines, that tries to silence the voices of women who actually have something to say. :(
ReplyDeleteJust as an FYI - the horror script I'm writing features a younger woman/older man relationship. But the age disparity is used to highlight the power imbalance and potential destructiveness inherent in the relationship. My attempt to "even the score," so to speak. :)
Deb, thanks for commenting...I know I can't be the only one feeling this way. And best of luck with the script!
ReplyDeleteKarla, a number of years ago, I visited the birthplace of Juliette Gordon Low, the founder of Girl Scouting in the USA, in Savannah, GA. Something that the tour guide said had a profound impact on me, and I have remembered it ever since. He pointed out that Daisy Low was 52 years old when she started Girl Scouts in Savannah, or, at the time of life when people think you're pretty much past your major life accomplishments. The guide continued, "You're never too old to make a difference in millions of lives. You just have to believe you can."
ReplyDeleteThat thought cheers me on days when I think the best of me is past. Over the years, many things that I learned as a young scout have proven to useful again. Even well past my childhood, this interaction with Girl Scouting and this aside by the tour guide has inspired me and made a difference to and in me.
P.D. James published her first novel when she was past 40. So many examples, yet society seems to dismiss them. I hadn't known about Juliette Gordon Low---interesting!
ReplyDeleteWas it a man or a woman who said that after a certain age women become invisible to men? I bet a was a woman. It's 'us' and only 'us' who can change that perception by projecting different light!!!! The tour guide was right - I bet ya Daisy Low didn't think she was invisible and neither do I at 47! X
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